Rhubarb crumble

Take 4 stalks of rhubarb and rinse them in water so cold it shocks you from your thoughts.
With your mind on something else, chop roughly. Watch your fingers.

Melt one tablespoon of butter in a pan.

From a heavy glass jar take one heaped tablespoon of natural castor sugar as gold as Caribbean sand and add it to the butter.

Dream of somewhere warmer...

Gather up the rhubarb and add it to the melted mixture.
Hands still numb from the Scottish water,hold them over the pan while the rhubarb softens.

Concentrating, so as not to hurt yourself, peel and chop 2 large green apples.
They should smell tart enough to cut through the fog of worries.

Scooping them up and with hands overflowing, drop them into a pink dish, bought and given with love.

Smile, for it reminds you of a birthday morning, many months ago.

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Reach for the scales, neat units of grams and kilos reassuring to your disordered mind. Weigh out 150 of powder light flour and with hands soaped and scrubbed, rub in 110 of unsalted butter.

With a light touch, rub your stresses and fears into the butter
(don't worry, they will evaporate on cooking)
and allow anxiety to drain through open fingers like sand.

Add 4 tablespoons of sugar. Add a wee bit more as life could use a little more sweetness.

Mix the sugar in using open fingers.

Some prefer a spoon, results will be cleaner but less therapeutic.

By this point rhubarb should be soft and bubbling gently. Pour pink rhubarb into the pink dish on top of the green apples.

Gently tip the crumbs out of the bowl, burying the fruit. While you are at it bury your anxieties too, then cook for 45 minutes.

Which should kill them.