Wednesday, July 28, 2010

four years minus nine months



The babies are due on November 17th.
The babies are due four years and one month after we started trying to conceive them.
I have been writing about those four years for a month now.
I'm struggling.
My blog is in limbo as I grasp for the words.
The words are big and they are scary.


* photo courtesy of Variations on the Word Sleep

45 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Be happy :)

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  2. Wishing you inspiration and courage!

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  3. slow and steady wins the race, p.

    ((((((((((((())))))))))))))

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  4. Omg. Wow. that makes this news even more incredible and amazing than it already bloomin well was!

    Wow. Good luck with the rest of the post, cannot wait to read it.

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  5. Four years of hard work (teehee *giggle giggle*) will soon pay off for the rest of your lives! It will be the hardest job you'll ever love, with double the rewards! Sending happy thoughts your way!

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  6. that's the day the panama canal opened! you guys are all over this.

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  7. Wow - it's true it makes your wonderful news even wonderfuller.
    I can see how it must be hard to write given that so few people ever talk about that stuff but if it's any conciliation that is also why so many of us would love to read about it.
    Big virtual hugs oo

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  8. And what a wonderful day that day will be.

    You know, you once wrote a post about how when bloggers get pregnant you stop reading their blogs (with v.good exceptions). I took it really personally (stupid stupid I know) as being pregnant makes you feel a bit insecure anyway.. Anyway, the point is that this little scary post made me think that the big scary post may explain a bit why.

    Or I could be completely wrong and just boring the shit out of people with baby drivel. ;)

    I'm so pleased that you and N have reached this place after that long journey. Can't wait to read more.

    x

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  9. babypicturethis- um, i had exactly the same thought! (but i am sans baby!)

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  10. Congratulations! Anything this life changing deserves as much thought and writing as you can possibly devote to it.

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  11. I find that the scary words are the ones people most want and/or NEED to hear.


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  12. we are our own worse enemies and what you think of will always be scarier...just breathe and enjoy it all.

    they will adore their mom and pop and that will be the most beautiful thing of all.

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  13. What ESB said. Wise woman.

    Also, xoxoxoxoxooooooooooooooooo

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  14. @lauren, that seriously cracked me up.

    Ditto esb and agirl. Because yes, absolutely. Big, big hugs to you and N. (But gentle ones to not squish W & P.)

    xoxoxo

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  15. What ESB said.

    This is also normal, if that helps. I've read a lot of bloggers in the last 10 years that had babies, and they talked a lot about how the blog changed and it was hard. Their readership shifted a little - hard. People started calling them mommybloggers - and ew. Not to mention reading the brave bloggers who were able to talk about infertility and how effing hard it was for them to write about. So people have walked this path before. I don't know if that helps you, but it always helps me a little bit.

    We're all here for you while you figure it out.

    xoxoxo

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  16. Of course you're scared shitless -it's always scary when your dreams come true. It's just that very few people are brave enough to talk about the hairy (and very real) stuff: anxiety, doubt, fear, dread, crises of confidence, etc. Having babies is serious business and you should feel free to share the hairy stuff here. I have a feeling that there are one or two people out there who feel the same things but are too scared to share them.

    That said, hurrah for BAYBEEZ! We are all excited to join the ride. xoxo

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  17. @Meg WHOA let's not jump the gun before she writes the damn post, mkay?

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  18. i've just been rejoicing with beautiful friends who have waited 11 years for their beautiful boy.

    they are so so precious and sometimes take a while to get here. the scary thing for us who haven't started is the unknown.

    i guess it's life and relationships for you.

    so many congratulations. they're so much fun when they arrive (auntie talking - not mummy).

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  19. We tried to conceive for two years and it hurt like hell. I wrote about it but only in retrospect and by the time I wrote it, it already felt different and I couldn't articulate what it was like, didn't do it justice. It felt better to write it out though. And it's good to read true real things, take your time and what ESB said x

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  20. yes.

    i get this.

    for me, pregnancy is scary. and not because of the babies or the labor. because of the rippling changes.

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  21. I'm scared a lot. Sometimes my posts that scare me are great. Sometimes they are stupid. In some ways the lack of correlation between my emotions and the greatness/stupidity has helped. I am sure that whatever you decide to write or not write about all this will not be stupid. Say whatever you want to say, and only if you want to say it. Peonies, I just send you best wishes. There. Neither stupid nor great. Just best wishes.

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  22. I always appreciate the truthfulness in your posts, always. Good luck with the writing.

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  23. @ESB
    Four years is four years is hard. That's *this* post.

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  24. holey moley I had no idea. I am so freaking happy for you, and think i get an inkling of how freaking terrifying your joy (and fear at the reality of it finally happening) must be. Meg is (as always) right - four years is four years is right. I'm rooting for you two like nothing else (And I am also rooting for the butt sniffing print in the bedroom, FYI).

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  25. Peonies,
    I've been following your blog ever since I started wedding planning (I got married a month before you(!)). Decided to de-lurk now because I wanted to let you know that ever since I first read about W & P, I have been reading much more avidly, to see how you were getting along. THis is because my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a while too, and have been having problems - I dont know what your situation has been - but for us, it has all been SO SO hard - especially because Im not sure how it will end - & so when I realised that you were having twins, I was so excited to hear what it was like for you, as we obviously (might - fingers crossed!) end up with multiples too. It has been so scary. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am so happy for you, and that I have loved reading your posts.
    Jane xxx

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  26. I wrote you a huge comment and then blogger wouldn't let me post it... grrr...

    But I think I said...

    You write so beautifully even when you're 'grasping for words'. I'm sure when you manage it the post will be amazing and very meaningful for many.

    One of my best best friends has been trying for the last few years (now 6 months pregnant) and the enormity of what she's been through... well I lose the words too.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say an even huger congratulations on W&P... and that I think you're very brave for trying to write about those years. xx

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  27. Wow, well I wanted to add in my own little sprinkling of encouragement, but I feel like comments like Anonymous/Jane and P and ESB just sum everything i wanted to say up.

    I know you've been hinting about this for years Peonies and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has always been secretly hoping you'd talk about it a bit more.

    Plus, your writing is the best when you're being brave. It suits you.

    x

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  28. I've been writing big, scary stuff, too, though my story is about the startling, 2nd trimester loss of a pregnancy and then the emotional challenge of going bravely into the next one.

    No one post has to say everything in your head and heart. The thoughts and feelings will come out over time and continue to evolve in that space.

    You'll feel better when you start letting the big scaries out of your head and into the world. At least I do! And your readers will be all the wiser and more sensitive for seeing your words and carrying the experience with you.

    I look forward to it. And congratulations on your twins. Lucky babes, indeed.

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  29. I maintain my earlier congratulations.

    If you don't want to write about it, you don't have to. We'll still love you anyway :).

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  30. You write so beautifully. Your blog always makes me happy, even when it makes me a little sad sometimes. I've been reading since you started, lurking silently in the shadows, having no right to comment on a wedding/marriage/baby blog. But you're so much more than that. Wishing you fabulous things, but also remembering that sometimes the salt of life makes the sweet taste that much better.

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  31. Those hard scary words are scarier in your head, usually. Or in your unpublished posts folder. Somehow, getting it out into the world diminishes the scary. Even if it doesn't feel like it right away.

    Be brave, pull through.

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  32. I admire your bravery. I usually ramble the effing hard and scary posts in my head and leave them there. Scared shitless.

    But I just want to give you a big hug and tell you that we'll wait and even be OK if it ends up never being said. W&P will soon be here. That's the ultimately beautiful, tear-inducing ending to this and if that's all we have, I'm OK with it.

    I can only imagine how painful this journey was, because 4 years is 3 years more than mine and damn that was not a happy time in my life, no matter how hard I tried not to let it get in the way of life.

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  33. The Doctor told me when I had a miscarriage that sometimes your body knows better what you can and cannot cope with right then. Strangely it was comforting. I can't imagine what you've felt all this time. And now, after all this time of trying, now you get to have 2 babies. 2 amazing babies for all those years of trying. And you have found an entire world of people wishing you good luck and love - so you've gained something extra there too. It's completely natural to be scared when a dream comes true!

    Congratulations xx

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  34. scary posts are the hardest, but you are super brave, and you'll always have people here to listen, following you along for the ride. so happy for you guys. xoxo.

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  35. I am sending you a big bear hug. Oh, wait, okay - there. Don't want to squeeze the babies.

    Did you feel it? I did. It felt so good..!

    Love you tons. I know, I know. How can I possibly, right? Well, it's weird that way. But I just do. Regardless of what you say or not say. Promise.

    xooxoxoxo.
    -maria

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  36. Blogger hates me.
    I will try again because I am stubborn.

    Whatever you have to say, be assured there are plenty of us out here in the ether who will extend our arms in a big cyber hug and stand guard with big sticks to defend your openness and fragility.

    Now if this bloody thing doesn't work I shall take my big stick and clobber blogger!

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  37. OH PEE ESS, SCORPIO BAYBEEZ!!!!

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  38. What ESB said (first comment). I think I really need to hear these words but take your time. Everything happens in it's own time. Words. Babies. Life. x

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  39. Wow. I had no idea that it has been a journey of this proportion for you both. I am so incredibly happy for you I really think that if you can bite the bullet and share the words of the full story it will help, both you and countless others who are reading. We have a 2 year old daughter but decided at the start of the year to start trying for our second child. I had a miscarriage within the first 3 months which was terribly sad and unexpected and now part of me is terrified that I won't be able to have another child. Although this is by no means on the scale of a four year wait, and many people probably go through similar things, because no one really talks about it and everyone else seems to be popping out children left right and centre
    it makes you feel so alone in the world. Good luck with finding the words, I'm sure they will be wonderful.

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  40. Congratulation! After 4 years of har work :P

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  41. c&n: my heart broke when i read this. i'd like to apologize - i'm certain that i've peppered you with questions before about "are you going to have a baby?!" which were not useful to you... i've watched the complete devastation of years of infertility that my sister-in-law has dealt with, and i know that your grief must be massive and deep and so difficult to articulate. you are so brave to consider sharing your story and the miracle of your twins is one that i rejoice in. xoxo.

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  42. I was stunned when I read this.

    Best wishes.

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  43. 6 years of infertility helps me get a good sense of what waves of emotions you must me riding.

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  44. I know I'm a little late to the party, but I am glad that I read from start to now. I have endometriosis too and my biggest fear (yes, bigger than spiders) is that I won't be able to have the family I have always, always wanted.

    Your twins are a like a little light at the end of my tunnel in some bizarre internet way.

    Thank you.

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play nice.