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I'm in the middle of an anxiety sort of a thing, and it sucks. I don't mean right this minute (right this minute I'm kind of okay, which I can tell because I'm sitting writing this and not hyperventilating into my pillow or whimpering 'is it all going to be okay?' into Nye's armpit), I mean right this month. It started when we put the house on the market, which may or may not be related, and it's continued constantly for the last fortnight, a gripping feeling in my chest that is there as soon as I wake up and just gets tighter and tighter throughout the day. It eases for about 15 minutes while I'm drinking my morning coffee and half an hour when I first fall asleep, before the dreams about maths exams I'm not prepared for and shopping centres full of zombies kick in. (Just so you know, tripling the strength of your morning coffee does not triple the length of anxiety-free time you get. Who would have guessed? Also, maths exams beat zombies in the nightmare stakes.) Being outside helps, the girls screaming half the night long doesn't.
I just wanted to put it out there. I hear that March can do this to some people (those of us who are prone to insanity), be reminded that it's the month that's the problem (it's not been unheard of for me to freak out at this time of year) made me feel a whole lot better and stop being quite such a bitch to myself about my inability to cope with stuff at the moment. Maybe you guys can be kind to yourselves to, okay?
image by My Little Buffalo, for sale here.
Oh I totally get you... is it really the month ?
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling weak and anxious, and just drained. Luckily there has been some sunshine around and you are right about the outside world helping.
I hope you feel better. Hugs.
Ah, this is such an encouragement! I'm getting married in June and wedding planning has been stressful, but not overwhelming, except for these past two weeks. I've been freaking out about silly things that I know I don't even care about even while I'm freaking out about them! I'm panicky about every little thing and I feel like a crazy women.
ReplyDeleteIt's a nice reminder for me, who is prone to anxiety and sadness, that I'm not alone. We'll make it through March! The end is near. Thanks for reminding me to give myself a break.
Kindness can't be underestimated. It will be OK.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you Mrs. March is rubbish - but change is really hard too. You should have seen me in the run up to moving to Scotland - it was ugly. There were daily big snotty cries - there was alienation of those I loved- there was panic & sadness & lots of crazy. Big moves, money shit, etc- it's scary, and hard, and sad too. Exciting yes - and I know you guys are going to kick this move's ass & have a splined time in London - but the getting there is never easy, & the hard stuff never works out in time to prevent yourself from almost drowning in horrible river of anxiety. At least that is my experience.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you lady. You four are so going to make it. More than make it. You & Nye can do anything. x
Oh chicken, I'm so sorry. I have to say I felt exactly the same during the whole time our house was on the market -it's something that I had never expected and that crept up on me. (Well, there was returning to work after mat leave and weaning F from the breast at the same time, too, which probably didn't help). Anyway, you already know that at least, this situation and the uncertainty are temporary. Please hang in there, and we love you. Wish I was closer to help.
ReplyDeleteI feel you so, so much right now. I keep re-reading this book, which has helped me deal with anxiety a LOT. Lots of lovely thoughts to you xxx
ReplyDeleteYes. March. It does it to me. It will all be ok. And we love you.
ReplyDeletewell, i'm glad march is almost over then and hope that april will be a much better month for you.
ReplyDeleteSo, it is probably just cruel to suggest this to a lady with two toddlers, but have you tried giving up the coffee for a while? I've found that it exponentially increases anxiety for me and sometimes I have to cut it out completely (currently on a once a week regimen, which seems to balance out okay). Feel free to disregard.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! You'll get through!
March is a horrid month. Aside from meeting my husband in March and getting married in March (not small things)... March has traditionally been torturous. Next year... I'm considering not getting out of bed for the entire month after the trainwreck that March was this year.
ReplyDeleteLove.
ReplyDeleteMARCH, huh? Is that it????
March. What a bitch.
ReplyDeleteOhhhhhhhhhh. That makes SENSE.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness April soon come. xx
Hugging you from across the world. The kind of hug where you can't breathe and then you get worried that it won't end and you will be t rapped in this awkward bear hug forever and then just when you realize you've forgotten your anxiety I let you go and give you a big kiss. Hang in there, you're still an inspiration
ReplyDeleteDarling. This happened to me too, and it sucks big time. When you stand back and look at your life from an outsiders perspective you go - oh yeah, I have A LOT to deal with. Like you I had a one year old (but only one!) running our own business was a stress and being half a world away from my family didn't help.
ReplyDeleteYou have got a lot going on and you need to give yourself permission to have a breakdown sometimes!
What helped for me was getting in help with childcare so I could just zone out. Getting fresh air. And talking through EVERYTHING that was going on in my brain. Also, I went decaf for a while and cut out alcohol totally. Oh and had the occasional massage. It's funny cos I had exam/school anxiety dreams too!
Hope this helps in some way. Thinking of you. You will get through.
Jo
November is my crisis month - link to mother's voice in head,'I think she's got that S.A.D...' 'Now remember you're not good in November'(as I missed yet another essay hand-in). Like me, you've probably realised that there's no changing you and that you just have to accept that sometimes it's okay to be a mardy old boot.
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, I've recently left Glasgow for the sunnier climes of Perth, Australia. Whilst I didn't have to contemplate the struggles of relocating with children and a business, it has been tough to leave behind all that was safe and familiar - and that's just the cornicing. Now that I'm here, well... it's the most wonderful adventure I've ever been on. I know yours will be just as thrilling!
PS. Those dreams are normal. Last night I was a matador, up against a rather fierce highland cow. That's me a relaxed state?! xx
March is a bastard.
ReplyDeleteI'm going through the same thing. It blows. It got to the point where I had to download free meditation podcasts from iTunes to listen to in bed to help me get to sleep. It actually helped, even though I think the sitar is a fucking stupid instrument and the meditation guide sounds like he just took a laxative. Honestly, I think spending $24 on a bouquet of flowers for myself helped the most. DO IT. Sending you hugs from NY.
ReplyDeleteCan i just say-my friend and i are so down at the moment...at our work places (not the same) that we can't spend much time together....we should be appreciating this sunshine and being in Kenya...but...it's March...(and we have no babies...)
ReplyDeleteHugs love. March is OVER!
ReplyDeletexxx
A lot to do with planning a move to London with two young children. Moving house is supposed to be one of THE most stressful things you can do and you're not just moving house but city too. Plus you're a mum and run a business. It'd be weird if you weren't anxious. Just take you're own very sound advice and you'll be all good xx
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. It happens to us all at some point or another and you have so much going on! I wanted to also mention the coffee cxn - I gave it up a while ago (SO hard!) but it has helped my mood a ton. Hang in there. Your new city awaits and it will be brilliant!
ReplyDeleteCan totally relate to the anxiety thing. We're going on holiday (Spain) in a week's time and I hate going abroad - I only booked the holiday because husband hasn't been too well lately and thought it would be good for him. It's totally out of my comfort zone and can feel the anxiousness creeping up on me. I'm trying to keep myself sane by telling myself that it's only one week away from home! I've wrote some little things in the Notes section of my iphone as a kindof mantra, and Peonies and Polaroids is down there as I think that you're pretty levelheaded myself like.
ReplyDelete