I really suck at updating you guys on stuff, just ask anyone who's waiting for those posts I said I was going to write about IVF and childbirth (in brief, neither as bad as I was led to believe, one even positively joyful) but I'm trying to be less of a jerk so I thought I would let you know how I'm doing.
I'm doing good. The anxiety is gone, I'm only mildly emotionally irrational and I'm functioning as normal again. I'm not entirely sure why, several things happened at once: my mum arrived with a selection of homoeopathic and herbal treatments, March ended and a couple of days later so did the anxiety. It turned into hopeless sobbing for a few days and then that passed too. I'm still not exactly exuberant but I'm good and that in itself is a blessed relief. I also let go of the house selling/moving thing and stopped looking at houses for sale in London. It will happen when it happens and in the meantime we have a really nice house to life in that doesn't need rewired or re-plumbed or re-anythinged. And more likely still, I took the PMS thing seriously. I mean, it's not exactly news that my hormones are insane and this is the first time in almost a decade that I haven't been on some sort of hormone suppressant to try and control my endometriosis, and so the chances that they're a bit out of whack and making me feel kind of crazy seems relatively high. Determined to try and treat it naturally before going back on any sort of medications I started taking the vitamins and minerals that I used to take before I got pregnant and that I've delighted in being lax about since then because I'm better now and don't need them (ha!)
Anyway, that's where I am for now. I figure exuberance will come, in time.
Oh, and the coffee thing. I'm back to one, weak, cup a day and you're right, I should give it up and see what happens. But I don't want to.
*image by Anahata Katkin
Oh I share your pain. I had endometriosis for years and it made me so poorly, emotionally and physically. The only thing that helped me get better was doing Yoga. I'm very lax at doing it now, but I know that my body needed that and helped to heal it. Maybe give that a try? x
ReplyDeleteLet's not even discuss giving up coffee, okay?
ReplyDeleteaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
♥ ♥ ♥
So glad to hear your feeling better. I know your selling your house eventually but it is so beautiful (at least from what I can deduce from the corners) so I am sure whether you guys end up next will be equally wonderful. I have also had to learn to stop house-stalking and just let it go. I am hardwired to find the next place and soon as I move into a new one. Living in the present is the hardest thing to master.
ReplyDeletePS- ever since I introduced my husband to your blog, he keeps insisting that we have twins. I am pretty sure you can't just will two babies into being right?
Oh, I'm so glad. Exuberance *will* come. xxx
ReplyDeleteJust so glad to hear that you're doing good.
ReplyDeleteI gave up coffee a while back and have not missed it one bit. But then I drink a butt load of tea so I still get my caffeine fix :D
Hope April just gets better for you, x
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteSo happy to hear things are on the up!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're feeling better. So glad.
ReplyDelete(I should probably stop obsessing over houses, too, since we don't have enough money to buy one...)
Good to read that you are getting things under control. WELL DONE YOU!!
ReplyDeleteSorry to be blunt but you've just had twins! Plus add in you're working hard, you're bound to be knackered. Oh and you live in the uk where the weather is shit. Also I think you can a delayed shock reaction to childbirth and can feel crap for a long while afterwards. This feeling I think is made worse because you then think 'I'm supposed to be happy'. The whole thing might be good old fashioned PND.ps I love reading your blog and appreciate your honesty and refusal to sugar coat life.
ReplyDeleteExuberance will come. And re caffeine, I have swapped all caffeine for decaf whilst pregnant, except for the occasional glass of coke, or chocolate, or real coffee, and plan to keep going like that after pregnancy. Might that work?
ReplyDeleteI'm constantly amazed that PMS is reduced to a laugh line in sitcoms. I thought I was supposed to use it as a joke or a lame excuse, and therefore didn't come to terms with how strongly it affects me for a long time. Life is better now that I have...and everyone's right. Exuberance will come :)
ReplyDeletehttp://anna-gemutlichkeit.blogspot.com/
I'm not sure how I stumbled across your blog but so glad I did. Love your humour and honesty. Haven't read far enough into your pages yet but just read the above comment above that you recently had twins and are working hard. The mere thought of that makes me feel anxious!! As for giving up your one cup of coffee a day, I too have just one a day and while the caffeine probably does make me jittery and frazzle my nerves a tad having the moment to drink it makes me happy, a little punctuation in my day. I think the main thing that makes the biggest difference that is SO hard to come by for us mothers is quality sleep. The more I can get of that the better my nerves. Congrats on your twinnies. Look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteKeep the coffee. So glad you're better. I lub you.
ReplyDeleteSo it's all march's fault? The bitch nearly killed me this year!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear you're feeling better... bring on exuberance! :) xx
have you tried acupuncture for your endo? It took us 5yrs to have our daughter 'unexplained infertility' ie dumped in an NHS waiting list for IVF but after 3 months of acupuncture...ba-boom! its worth a try :)
ReplyDeleteI know this post was a while ago but I've just found your blog and have been reading through some of it... really lovely. and you make having babies look not that scary.
ReplyDeleteanyways I thought of this post on cup of jo: http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2012/02/motherhood-depression-and-weaning.html
I totally don't know if it would be relevant to you, but I am really fascinated by the ways in which the internet is sometimes an incredible resource for women to connect their stories/wisdom.