"I didn't expect to come face to face with my selfishness, my laziness and my lack of patience so brutally or abruptly. I didn't expect that my self confidence would wither or that I would battle so much just getting through the day. I didn't realise that such a small creature could expose me the way Pip has.
I thought I could just go on being me. Me with a baby. Turned out, I had to be stripped back and rebuilt from the bottom up. "
I'm probably not the only one who feels like culturally we are mis-selling motherhood; yes it's amazing and wonderful and fulfilling and life-giving and nurturing etc etc, but FUCK, it's hard too. I'm probably not the only one who is reading blogs like Glow and looking at supermodel (sometimes literally) mothers with beatifically happy children in impeccably artistic houses spouting crap about how their most humbling moment as a mother was when their kid spilled juice on their interior designer friend's white sofa and thinking COME ON.
My friend Rachel wrote the most beautifully raw and succinct piece on motherhood for Oh You Pretty Things, summing up in remarkably few words what it feels like to become a mother, to go from being responsible for the life of one person to being responsible for the life of another (or others) and the complete and utter disassembling that takes place to readjust to this new and huge way of being.
You should read it.
It is such a great post, so perfect, and so true.
ReplyDeleteDo you take requests Cara? Because if so might I request a post on being a self employed mother, and going back to work early on in the first year (while lots of other UK mums are taking the first year completely off) and having to leave your babies over night? Does that sound like a post just for me? Perhaps it is in a way, but I know rather more than a few other ladies in similar situations, so it wouldn't JUST be for me, promise.
Of course I take requests. In fact I kind of like them, seeing as it takes me 6 months to think of something to right by myself.
DeleteSo completely true. Thank you for sharing, Cara. x
ReplyDeleteYou are so wise. Thank you for your honesty and balance, always. I am keeping all of your posts for further reading. (When the time comes, hopefully soon).
ReplyDeleteI said when my daughter was born that if it were a job I would have explained that it wasn't staffed correctly.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard. Babies are the Buddha, right? Transforming us in ways that require so. much. struggle.
When I read Rachel's words when she emailed me I kept re-reading them. She said what I say in a very waffly way a lot of my blog, like you said, very succinctly. I'm looking forward to a time when mothers can talk more freely without fearing judgement when they admit such feelings. And incidentally it has been nearly the most popular post on my blog, so what does that tell you?!
ReplyDeleteif you had a choice would you have preferred to have one baby after the other instead of twins?
ReplyDeleteMy girl and a baby girl nap while I indulge in a hot cup of tea and a chance to read the blogs I love. Thank you for sharing and thank Rachel for writing. Here's to the long days, therapeutic tower building and laughter. x
ReplyDeleteFUCK is right. i don't even bother reading Glow. I already have enough battles with my inner demons on motherhood as it is.
ReplyDeleteso beautifully and honestly put, rachel.
Yes, this exactly. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYES. I loved that post. Everything you write here, Cara, too.
ReplyDeleteOh I can't wait to read it. Great post. I'm with you x
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling alien from the day I was told I was pregnant. I kept thinking... "I'm growing a person... I'm GROWING a person!!???***" Then when they handed me my bub I spent the whole evening just staring at this wrinkled little bundle thinking... Hmmm.. now what? Every time he moved or sneezed or burped I just about had a conniption. Very little came naturally and now (14 years later!) when my son is really challenging me I ask him to go and find the user manual he came with... cos I don't know all the rules! Thanks Cara... blog world is one thing and reality is another... ♥
ReplyDeleteYeah. That pretty much sums it up.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link - I will read it! Honestly, I absolutely love motherhood, but equally I have never found anything so draining and so dominating. Mis-selling is right, like everything in life is has both pros and cons!
ReplyDelete