"I don't cook." I hear this so often and it always totally baffles me. It's usually from women about my age and it seems to be said with a subtext: 'I have better things to do'. (Of course, often it's said by men and then the subtext is usually 'don't be stupid, someone else does it for me.' That's another blog post.)
It's not 'I don't like cooking' or 'I'm not good at cooking', it's 'I choose not to cook.' I'm not stupid, I understand that a generation of women are railing against the notion that they have to cook for their families simply because they're women and that's what women do, but the majority of the people who tell me that they don't cook are single women or women who are part of a couple.
The decision not to do something that is so essential to one's existence seems perverse to me. Putting aside the option of eating food that doesn't need to be prepared at all (gag), there are two options, either you cook for yourself or someone else does it for you, and if someone else does it for you, what happens when they're not around? It's like not being able to wash or dress yourself, of course there are other options (wet wipes and staying in your pyjamas), but they suck!
I love cooking and I'm not terrible at it. I love the creativity of putting together ingredients, the alchemy of doing things to them to make them taste different, but mostly, I love the ability to feed myself good food, to nourish my body and look after myself and it's that that I can't understand people choosing to opt out of. Whether you enjoy it or are good at it, surely being able to feed yourself is motivation enough to at least have a go at cooking? That's why it doesn't compute when people tell me they don't cook. I just don't understand.
Totally agree with you on this one. I love cooking so that obviously makes it easier - it is such a creative thing that can be part of your everyday life. I think those people who don't cook must belong to the same camp of people who "forget" to eat. Food just doesn't interest them on the same level maybe.
ReplyDeletei love cooking. sometimes i might not quite feel up to it, but it's necessary for survival and can be fun if you look at it differently. i am the one who cooks in my duo, but he mops the floor. it's all about tradeoff.
ReplyDeleteI have never understood this and probably never will. I love cooking and see it as a basic life skill. So yes - totally agree with everything you have said!
ReplyDeleteThere are some people who shouldn't cook... trust me on this. I still have fantasies about that chocolate cake you made btw. So yummy.
ReplyDeleteYeah, me too. I think about making it again about once a week but I try to resist.
DeleteOf course some people really suck at cooking and that's fine, I don't think that everyone *should* cook, I just don't understand a complete lack of interest in *trying*.
i got tangled in the space-time continuum - probably as a result of all the candy i eat - and, instead of developing and expressing maternal tendencies, have skipped ahead to feeding people like a nana. i cook because i love, as do most of my loved ones, and i will confess to suspecting that people who say they don't cook are rather small of spirit.
ReplyDeleteoof, that's harsh! I don't love feeding other people. I think that bit of me is broken.
Deleteoh, i don't think it's a bit everyone has, or needs to have, by any means; the suspicion is a confession because i'm well aware that it's unfair.
DeleteI don't cook. My husband is the chef in our house. I wouldn't say I'm small of spirit though, it's just that he enjoys it and is better at it than I am. I bake, instead, and other household tasks to balance it out. I like eating though.
ReplyDeletebaking counts!
Deletebaking TOTALLY counts.
DeleteI usually interpret "I don't cook" as "I don't like to cook." It's the sad truth from some of my friends. (I have one friend who mostly pulls trays out of the freezer & zaps them in the microwave for a "meal." Sad, no?)
ReplyDeleteTruthfully, baking is my preference. I started baking when I was still fairly small and have always loved it. But I do enjoy cooking. I like food a lot, and trying new recipes is exciting. I'm much more comfortable with a recipe in front of me, but I'm getting better at throwing things together. Makes me feel like a rebel sometimes, haha.
"I don't like to cook" is totally fair, not everybody likes to cook. I guess it's the tone of voice that goes with it when a certain sort of person says it, that implies only someone without anything better to do would cook.
DeleteMostly I agree, and I also love and enjoy cooking, it is almost like therapy for me. But when I used to live on my own I did not really enjoy it, because it is very hard to cook on really small quantities and I did not want to repeat the same thing over and over, and I just did not feel the motivation... And I ended up eating bad (pasta, bread with cheese, a ton of cookies)
ReplyDeleteI guess it has always been about sharing in a way, I always loved to cook for friends, family, etc...
when I was just cooking for myself I'd make a big pot of something and eat it every day for a week. My record was 9 days. I shook it up though, some days I ate it with potatoes, other days bread, other days pasta. Variety!
DeleteI've definitely gone through times where cooking is utilitarian (as opposed to times when cooking feels highly romanticized - usually when the evening light is particularly good and I start with a glass of wine).
ReplyDeleteBut to refuse to cook altogether is weird to me. I hope they at least put together plates of cheese and crackers and olives but I'm guessing they don't do that either.
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ReplyDeletedo you think its more a 'i don't cook fancy things-but I rock lasagne' thing? julia childs i am not-but I enjoy it when i make time
ReplyDeleteNope. The people I'm talking about look at me like cooking is beneath them. I'm pretty sure they rock the microwave.
DeleteI didn't cook - through a killer combination during my student years to late twenties of a lack of interest, lack of skill and lack of need.
ReplyDeleteIt's not something I'm particularly proud of (I imagine those who cooking comes naturally to look at us non-cooks as leading wilfully barren lives - like people who say "I don't read" or "I dislike music. And the outdoors."?) - but I think that people who are natural Cooks (I complain that PA cooks using his spirit animal as a guide rather than recipes) might miss out on the pure perfection of an avocado with olive oil and pepper, or spinach on toast, for dinner in and of itself.
I'm learning now, from first principles, primarily to feed the boy child and, by extension, the family -- to my surprise I'm actually enjoying the process. Despite taking it woefully when things don't work out.
I've always been drawn to men who enjoy cooking though - which probably says something wonderful about them, and about my keen survival instinct.
It's heartbreaking when it doesn't work out. Sometimes my experiments go badly wrong, it puts me in a rough mood for the rest of the day.
Deletewow, I've had your thoughts in my head so many times! It baffles me too, especially when it's said with an air of being cutesy. I understand if someone never got to learn because they were never exposed to homecooked meals by their family. But to be smug about not being able to cook? Odd.
ReplyDeleteExactly! It's the smugness that baffles me.
DeleteI mostly don't cook because my husband is better at it, with most of the things we like to eat (although I am better at other things, and I make those things sometimes). Also, he doesn't like washing up, and I don't mind it anymore and we have the rule that whoever cooks doesn't wash up.
ReplyDeleteHe also bakes.
I consider myself a very lucky person to be married to him, he's awesome.
When he's away (like tonight), I either get take away or make something easy or do leftovers.
I do love cooking for parties, though. Making fancy things is my specialty, which is part of why I don't like day to day cooking. Also I hated not having a gas stove for years and years... it's just annoying to cook on an electric stove.
PS: hi, I'm alexis and I found this blog via one love photo's most recent post (which was linked to on facebook by another photog blog I read), and I just finished reading your infertility stories and cried. My infertility story isn't as long or rough (and btw, I hope your endo isn't back. yeouch.) but I do empathize.
hi Alexis, thank you for commenting. It's totes fair enough not cooking if someone else who enjoys it is willing to do it for you. And go you for making fancy things, I haven't the patience for fancy, my speciality is 'shit, there's nothing to eat but a leek and a bag of pasta' and then making something delicious from that. I don't do well when there is too much choice!
DeleteI don't cook. It's not feminist rebellion, my mom doesn't cook either. My dad is a serious cook, my husband is a serious cook, my Dad says it's why it's perfect that I married him. I don't enjoy it, the men in my life are passionate about it. I can stumble through when no one is around just fine, but it's a stumble, and to say I cook would be a lie.
ReplyDeleteIt works out. I clean. I EAT. (Everyone laughs at that, but David says it would be a tragedy to have not married a serious eater who is seriously passionate about food.) I do bake, on occasion. Though less now, because David shows up and slowly pushes me out of the way to take over, which is exactly what happened to my mom. I used to cook more, but the same thing happened. And of course I can make a cheese plate, or put together a menu, Rachel, silly. The men in my life adore it. They're passionate about it. They're creative. I'm creative in a million other ways, but I've never been creative in that one.
I don't know. Not everyone has to do everything, I think. And there is no shame (well, actually, lots of shame on the lady blog-o-sphere, so much so that it's a running joke over here ;) in admitting you just don't do some things. Well. Or often enough to count.
It's fine. I don't cook. I don't fit any other assumptions people are making here, not a one, I just don't cook and I'm fine with that.
:) I love this comment.
DeleteExactly how I feel!! I was just being asked about this by coworkers yesterday.
DeleteNo, I don't cook and I'm ok with that. Various bits add up to it: my fiance is a wonderful cook who thoroughly enjoys it, I live in a city with endless food possibilities, I get spoiled at work, and I often have social or work gatherings that revolve around food outside of the home.
In the end though, for me, its really just that I don't enjoy it. I feel totally uncreative in the kitchen, whereas I'm creative in other aspects. I mostly enjoy the kitchen for the socializing that revolves around it...and the eating :)
Also, on further thought, I think that sometimes we show love by letting people have their things, and staying out of their way. David's thing (one of his Most Important Things) is cooking. If it was also my thing, I'm sure we'd share. But it's not. Sometimes the best thing you can do is stand to the side, and cheer and appreciate, thankfully I'm good at both.
ReplyDeleteBut for me to say that I cook? That would just be a small meanness. A petty stepping on of toes. He cheers at my things, I cheer at his. I don't cook. I eat. That's better than fine.
I agree, in a couple it's all about respecting each other's Thing. And if the other person's thing is feeding you? SCORE.
DeleteExactly. Every day I think about how I'm TOTALLY the one getting the better deal, and I so lucked out with who married me. And when marriage feels like that for everyone, we all win, right?
DeleteI dont cook because after cooking for 40 years Im friggin well fed up to pussy's bow with feeding everybody. So there. I. DONT. COOK.
ReplyDeletefair enough.
DeleteThis is all so judgy - less with the judge. To paraphrase/quote-ish an article in the NYT yesterday, "if we hear ourselves starting to say, “I don’t understand how …“ we need to just stop talking. Because we’re right; we really don’t understand."
ReplyDeleteMost people's lives are full and have richness and involve getting nutrition from somewhere. Where is their business and if they are happy with it, great.
I too like eating, and eating well. And I too can cook, pretty well. But I work a job that has me leaving at 7.30am and getting home after 7.30pm and sometimes working after that. And I love books that need reading and television that requires watching and bills/admin/holidays/hobbies that all require paying/doing/planning and a bed that likes me in it sometimes and cooking takes time, a lot of it, and sometimes is worth it and sometimes isn't. So sometimes, often, I don't cook, I arrange or toss or just shove it in my pie-hole.
And I'm happy with it, and so are lots of people who don't cook, or can't cook or won't, and that's all that matters. Choosing one way to live our own lives and casting judgement on the choices others make don't have to go hand in hand.
I couldn't disagree more. If we hear ourselves starting to say "I don't understand how..." then we should keep talking, and keep our ears open for people who are willing to enlighten us.
DeleteConfusion isn't the same thing as judgement.
Meant to link to the article, as it puts the sentence into context:
Deletehttp://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/07/09/parents-of-picky-eaters-its-not-your-fault/
I didn't read it as 'learning and understanding is bad', I took it to mean more that we have to stop starting out from a place "My way is great - I don't understand why other people don't do things my great way, because their way is worse!"
Your confusion *seems* (could be wrong, but it's how it seems) to make all sorts of assumptions about people who don't cook on a regular basis, and I didn't really feel like you were starting from a place of really wanting to learn, more describing your way of doing things and why it was preferable.
Also, as a side note, you can have a hugely nutritious, healthful and tasty diet that provides you with everything that your body needs that doesn't require 'cooking' in the traditional sense. Our family often doesn't cook during the week, but we do eat fast and tasty meals involving fresh salads, fruit, cheeses, healthy sandwiches and wraps, among much else. We're happy and healthy and although we wish we had more time, we definitely don't feel like we've sacrificed one of our essential needs.
I have so much respect for people who cook more elaborately and make more time for cooking on a daily basis but instead of answering your question, I would be much more interested in knowing why we've built a society where there simply isn't time to execute everything that's demanded of us; where food sometimes does take a back seat, but where people are, quite often, forced to make decisions that compromise the quality of their lives. For many people, choosing to cook isn't really a choice at all (anyone with insane work schedules, unstable living conditions, lack of capital for investing in things that make cooking easier, etc etc etc).
I consider preparing and taking an interest in fresh food and ingredients to count as 'cooking'. I'm confused by people who don't take any interest in food at all, choosing ready meals or takeaway, not because they don't have time to cook (which fuck me, I understand) but because they see cooking and food preparation as boring/old-fashioned/irrelevant to a modern life. It's not really about 'cooking' at all.
DeleteIt wasn't the *best* thought-out post, I could have been a lot clearer.
(I haven't read the NYT article but as a parent to one picky eater and one kid who will eat anything, I'm pretty sure that your parental decisions have fuck all to do with the outcome of what your kid will or won't eat.)
DeleteWe maintain a divide and conquer rule in our house. He does dinner, I do lunch. We both love cooking but both leave the house at 5.45am and get home at 7.30pm so we cook things at the weekend and during the week we delve into the treasure trove of home made stocks, slow cooked casseroles, many many veggies and just go from there.
ReplyDeleteCooking is our little shared hobby so it's not a chore. That said, it's not how everyone would choose to spend a Sunday afternoon and frankly if we didn't, there are many instant options which would probably win, if only because we are so tired by the end of the day. I am lucky to have a significant other who likes reading recipe books for fun just as much as I do.
I like to cook a lot too, I enjoy nutritious food and I completely don't get why people eat a load of crap (at my office - sandwiches filled with mayo/cheese/ham and think that's healthy, er no! Percy Pig sweets - disgusting, not even food, strawbery shoe laces, Subway bread - bleurgghhh)sorry I've gone so off the point, that's not about cooking at all, that's about food choices.
ReplyDeleteHere we are, cooking, my mum - an amazing cook who fed 3 kids fresh on very little dosh for 25 years now has a little bit of dosh and only the 1 child (and no husband) at home and I can tell you, is in absolutely no mood to cook! It's like a rebellion from the nurturing thing that she did for so long.
That could be part of the reasons for not cooking? Being a bit anti all the things women are 'meant' to be, although I think that resonates more with the generation born in the 1950s (like my mum) who were expected to do all the home stuff like cooking/cleaning (and it was all piled in together - good food was not any more of a skill than a clean home) and then also had the opportunity to work (which is ace), but in my mum's case for example ended up DOING EVERYTHING - working and home stuff. My dad never once cooked us a meal or hoovered.
are you ready for me to make another sweeping pronouncement about food? picky eaters are amateurish lovers.
ReplyDelete<3
Deletethis is the best thing i've heard all day. maybe all month. no, all year.
DeleteThis sums up exactly how I feel whenever I hear someone say they don't cook! Love this post. Cooking and eating are so enjoyable and so fundamental to my daily life I don't understand how people don't do it!! It's also a way I show people that I care about them - I'm much better at baking biscuits than saying "I'm thinking of you". So really, if I didn't cook, my family probably wouldn't know what I was thinking half the time.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. Don't understand the don't cook thing either. I love cooking! But not baking. I've tried, and tried. Baking doesn't like me. The end.
ReplyDeleteI use to say this hands up guilty , but blogging has bought me into cooking so its a journey I am enjoying.
ReplyDeleteI haven't cooked much for the last 2 years, and for that reason this post really spoke to me.
ReplyDeleteIt is something I really need to address.
Liska x
this post makes all kinds of sense. having just had a baby four months ago, i'm not cooking like i used to, but we're still taking an interest in what we're eating and trying to buy healthy, organic food. even if i'm not turning on my oven, i'm still trying to eat yummy salads with fresh ingredients. at least until the winter, when hopefully, i'll have my shit together a little better. although, then she'll be mobile and that's arguably even harder? :)
ReplyDeleteI think that one could look at "cooking" and "making something to eat" as separate. Since becoming pregnant, I have more or less given up cooking. On the few occasions that I have tried, it has made me ill. As well, I have always been a slow cook. Therefore, I'm thinking about giving it up. I will still make food, just maybe simple food. I will likely give up trying to cook fancy deliciousness for a while, in favour of other activities.
ReplyDeleteIt baffles me too that most of my friends have no idea how to prepare a meal for themselves. This is a basic skill I think everyone should at least try. I really have been enjoying reading thru your blog but this particular post really spoke to me.
ReplyDelete-Nico
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