Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The inner dialogue...

I think I'm losing my mind. A week ago I went for a dress fitting. From the moment the over-familair seamstress helped me into my dress (hello, I'm in my pants and wearing stick on boobs, I do not want help) and I looked in the mirror, something became unhinged.....

Something's not right. I'm too skinny. I look too long.

You are long. And skinny. You always have been.

I know, but I look longer. It's the dress, the long white dress. It makes me look... long.

Hmmm, you're right.

I don't like it. I think I need a veil.

You don't want to wear a veil. One of the very first things you decided when you went dress shopping was that you feel ridiculous in a veil. And they remind The Boy of scary things from horror films.

I know, but I think I should wear one. Or maybe a hat? A really wide hat. That would balance out the skinniness....

Ok, a hat then.

No, a veil. I would feel silly in a hat. And I think my shoes look dirty.

What? They're not dirty, you've never worn them.

I know that, but they look dirty. Against the dress. The dress is white and the shoes are grey and they look minging.

You're being ridiculous.

Hmmm. Maybe. So, the veil.... I really think it will make me look less long. I need to look less long. Also, it would hide my hair. My hair's not good.

You're right, your hair is bad. Let's try and order a veil when we get home.

Ok. Then I'll look less weird. Don't you think I look weird?

I'm not answering that.

The next day, after more of the same through the night....

So, a veil. I think maybe I should wear one.

Ok. But don't you remember saying your didn't want one?

No. Ok, maybe I remember. But now I think I should wear one. Or at least buy one to see if it makes me look less weird.

Fine. Silk tulle would be best. You can make one yourself.

Hell yes, I'm not paying £200 for a bit of net stuck to a comb. I can stick a bit of net to a comb myself. Where do I get silk tulle?

The Internet.

Oh yes. Ok, here we go - £25 a meter. I think I need three meters.

That's a lot of money for a veil you might not wear.

Hmmmm. It doesn't matter. I need a veil. Look, they can send it to me by tomorrow and then I can make it and see what it looks like.

You don't need a veil. You don't want a veil. You haven't wanted a veil since you tried one on and realised you felt like Miss Havisham. You can't pay £75 for a veil just to see if you like it.

I can.

Ok, you can, but just because you can doesn't mean you should.

But, but......but...... I look weird. I don't want to look weird.

It's all in your head. Ask The Boy what he thinks

"Boy" I say tentatively, in the voice that usually accompanies tales of something silly being bought on the internet or a question that is impossible to answer.

"Yes?" he asks, equally tentatively.

"I've been thinking I should wear a veil. To the wedding."

"But you don't like veils, they make you feel silly."

"I know. But..... I'm too skinny. In the dress I mean, I look too skinny. "

Silence. And a look that means I know you think that what you just said makes sense, but it doesn't.

"A veil would make me look less skinny. Or a large hat, a large hat would work."

He has a funny look on his face. I can't tell if it's pity or if he thinks I'm insane. Probably a bit of both.

"Peonies, that's silly. You are skinny, and you look beautiful in the dress. You don't need a veil."

Hmmm. Is he telling me the truth or does he just know that I was thinking of spending £75 of veil material? Or would he say anything so I don't look like a scary, horror film, veiled zombie woman? Probably, but I think he means it.

"Ok. If you think so" I say.

I'm unconvinced. But I don't really want to spend 75 quid on a veil so I'm fairly easily persuaded. If people think I look too long it will be his fault. Because I wanted to try a veil, or a big hat and he said I didn't need to. His fault, I think to myself. And that reassures me.

"So, about the shoes. Do you think they look dirty?".....

Crazy, uh?

I have had similar internal conversations about earrings, shoes, seating charts, false eyelashes, lipstick, bracelets, welcome drinks and elopement. All in the space of the last week.

I think that when you hit the 4 week mark you go crazy and doubt every single decision you have made. At least, I hope you do and it's not just me.....

I just wonder when it stops?

Comes in Ice White, Snow White, Diamond White, Soft Ivory, Dark Ivory, Blush and Champagne. Matching veil also available. Shoes can be dyed to match.

(image from Legal Juice)


  1. What a funny post. :D
    It will all be fine, I think brides in general might just worry a little too much. :)


  2. you are just getting dress jitters. i also got them about a month before my wedding. i thought the dress was horrible and i looks fat and rank...but on the day i didnt, i got over it and knew i looked beautiful and so will you. go with your gut. you loved the dress enough to order it and im sure, deep down, you know you'll look beautiful on the day..and even if you dont..hey, the boy will!
    fret not friend, all will be ok.

  3. You are hilarious. I'm sending this to my groom, who will sigh and relate.

  4. this post was so funny-- i was staring at that last photo, trying to figure out what that was. some sort of dress maybe? a bustle? when it dawned on me, i laughed and laughed.

  5. Too funny! If you didn't want a veil to begin with - then don't wear one. Go with your first instinct on that one.

    I would say that I have had many of these little internal battles and doubts and started to think I needed all these extra things over the past few weeks.

    For me it stopped yesterday - just in time so that I am finally calm and just incredible excited to marry my FI. All the things that I worried weren't just right are suddenly just fine. So, don't worry - all the worrying will subside and maybe for you it won't take till a week before like it did for me!

    Enjoy these last 4 weeks - I know it is stressful but it will all come together!

  6. That's glorious. It isn't only you: Professionals are already warning me that the minute I hit the four-week mark, I will want to change every decision I've made. This may require treatment.

  7. Oh Peony, you're scaring me! Because I just *know* this will all happen to me too, just the same.

    Just last night I was trying on my veil and earrings and clearly loving them because I didn't want to take them off, but I still had the inner monologue: "how can you be sure these are the right ones?"

    And I wondered how I will ever absolutely settle on any decision... yes, even me, Miss Decisive. The wedding bug gets to us all...

  8. Ack, I can sooooo relate; this post is classic!! My big day is August 9 (less than 3 weeks!) and I am a glorified basketcase. Fiance just LOVES this part.

    I am a no-veil bride (about the 1 thing I haven't second guessed lately). Embrace it! Own it! Do away with ridiculous tulle on head!

  9. Ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! ;-)

    I'm not to the 4 week mark yet, but I'm having these inner conversations with myself too!!
    And you know what, my fiancee looks at me like I'm crazy too.

    By the way, have you tried chocolate?? I've heard that eating lots of chocolate can also make you appear less skinny...

  10. I nominate you for...the Brilliant Weblog Award! Stop by FF to check it out...

  11. I'm right there with you.

    Last night I asked H-town if I could wear my furry hat to the supermarket (in LA, in July) because my growing-out hair is driving me so bonkers.

    And then I began a new skin-care regime. Ill-advised 2+ weeks before the wedding.

  12. I think you're just getting nervous as the wedding gets closer. Try and breathe so you can enjoy it.

  13. Snowberry & Lime, the worrying is definitely on the excessive side! Especially at this point.

    Kat, you're completely right. I can't wait until the day and all the preparing is over.

    Meg, thank you! I hope it helps.

    Laura, I think it's quite appropriate wedding attire!

  14. Tara, I really hope that you enjoy this last week!

    Amuzing, it's revealing of my state of mind that when I read the word 'professionals' 'mental health' rather than 'wedding' was the type of professionals that came to mind first!

    GS, decisiveness is the best tool you can have when planning a wedding I think. And I would love to see the veil, dress, earrings combo! Although I guess that would detract from the whole secret aspect of your blog, hmmmm.

    Bri,I'm surprised by how few no-veil brides there are. Why don't more people feel silly with tulle trailing from their heads?

  15. Riley, hahah! Yes, I've tried chocolate, I'm quite a fan of that particular plan of action!

    FF, thank you! You're too sweet.

    East Side, I wonder if we'll regain our sanity post wedding?

    Fabulously Lizy, I'm practising my calming breaths as I type!

  16. This was sooooooo funny! I literally LOLed when I read it! I am totally dreading my inner monologues when I finally get around to dress shopping. I mean... I'm not avoiding it or anything... okay I might be...

  17. If you do go with the veil, I suggest nylon tulle.
    there is a brand called bridal illusion not as stiff and crunchy as reggular nylon tulle
    it's only 2.00$ a yard. My own veil with a 40% off coupon cost 2.50$ and it's chapel length.
    that way weather you wear it or not it's mere pennies.

    p.s. I was very against veils also, but once I tried one on, I changed my mind.
    now I've got plans for the floor length one and a birdcage veil!!!

  18. hilarious! I think every bride goes through this. I did them same thing about purchasing a veil at the last minute, then I saw the price and decided a beautiful gardenia was just perfect and didn't break the bank.


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