Friday, April 08, 2011

Double whatever


"double trouble!" (always either smug (thank god I was clever enough not to have twins) or snide (you are clearly an idiot for having twins). )

I have no idea how to respond to this. Because:
a) it's a stupid thing to say
b) it's a boring thing to say
c) it's rude.

I mean really, where do you go with it? (I get that it's just one of those things that people say without thinking and without meaning to cause offence, like the things men say to other men about marriage. But really, come on people. I do not buy 'not thinking' as an excuse for what comes out of your mouth. Engage brain THEN speak.)

Usually I smile politely and keep walking (or doing whatever I'm doing), taking advantage of the mother's prerogative to be too busy and too tired to stop and chat (with idiots), but some people are belligerent. To wit:



(yesterday, at the post office)

her: "Double trouble!"

me: smile politely, continue with posting packages

her: "I bet you hear that all the time!"

me: "quite often"

her: "well, it is true."

me: smile politely, continue posting

her: "They really are double trouble!"

me: aware that silence is not working "And double the fun and love."

her: "Oh for now, because you're in control. Wait until they're in control. It will be hell!"

me: less smiling, more determined silence.


I've heard a lot of twin parents talk about the best response to the "double trouble" drudgery. Discussions about how best to educate people to the fact that 1) twins are the best and 2) it's pretty rude to call other people's kids 'trouble', however many of them there feature on every multiples forum that there is. The search for the perfect one-line response is rife and almost everyone falls back on the (equally witty I must admit) "double the positives too" quip. But it's not working, people are determined to tell me how awful I have it having two babies at once. So from now on the conversations are going to go like this:

her: "Double trouble!"
me: "Fuck off you moron."
(smile politely, keep walking)


74 comments:

  1. that second picture just melts my heart - the cutest EVER! How annoying it must be to hear the same comments all the time... my husband on the other hand doesn't let an opportunity go lost without telling me he thinks having twins would be the best and most fun thing ever. So there are optimists out there too :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think they're just jealous but don't want to admit that they're thinking Double Adorable!

    ReplyDelete
  3. love your new retort! they look like double awesomeness!

    ReplyDelete
  4. yes say it! In fact I can think of many situations where that would be the perfect response.

    I've always secretly wanted to have twins... these photos are beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. double the delight! i adore that second photo...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your babies are the most beautiful, & I love both of those pictures. Oh the cleche bullshit that people say when they don't have anything else to say.... Twins are awesome, clearly you win.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The photo of the 2 of them sleeping has actually made me cry - just so beautiful! (I can't believe I'm so soppy - sorry)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Looks like a double dose of baby love - look to the left - cuddles - look to the right - more cuddles!

    ReplyDelete
  9. People are morons.

    (and they are gorgeous)

    ReplyDelete
  10. they are just BEAUTIFUL...! i love coming here to see them...and yes...fuck off to anyone who says that. you are blessed. here in africa twins are seen as an EXTRA blessing and as VERY VERY SPECIAL...! which they clearly are. i teach twin sisters from mali, identical...beautiful gals and extraordinary - DOUBLE that... X janelle

    ReplyDelete
  11. Say it with me: if not morons, then...!!!

    Asshats.

    And are they KIDDING?! Every baby fantasy I've ever had since ever involved twins. Maybe that's cause of my only chid status, but whatevs. Two babies looks like the most fun.

    Also, those pictues slay me. Dead.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Doubly annoying - the people, not the twins! I'm pregnant (with one - had hoped for two, but one is still good) and SHOCKED by just how much people think that the presence of a baby-to-be/baby/child in your life gives them the right to pass comment/judgment or unasked-for advice! Sounds like twins make that a whole lot worse.

    Someone who doesn't think before opening their mouths IS a moron!

    ReplyDelete
  13. can't people say something nice?
    here are some suggestions:
    "Oh! Those are cute babies!"
    "You must feel so lucky!"
    "LOOK AT THOSE FEET!"
    "Double your pleasure, double your fun".

    Ok, maybe you can delete the last one. But you get the point.

    Your babes are lovely. So lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  14. that top photograph is heaven.

    What about: "Double the fun in making them" + creepy lascivious smile.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Just show her those two pictures, because holy moley double the freakin cuteness!

    ReplyDelete
  16. but you made me WANT to have twins!

    you can say "oh but i can leave them alone for a few days by themselves and they keep each other company"

    ReplyDelete
  17. Looking at those babies I can only think that they are a double blessing and so much to love.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh my goodness. These photos make my heart melt. Especially the second, it looks like they are both running in their sleep or something in their exact same sleeping pose! Haha.

    And I know precisely the stupid comments you speak of. My younger brothers are twins and my mom heard stupid things while pregnant and after. And since there were 3 of us kids older than the twins... you can imagine she really heard it from people who were shocked and appalled by her FIVE kids "and the youngest are twins?!?! Dear lord, help you!!!"

    People are idiots. I say your new response is perfect. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hah! Please say that to someone, you would be the most badass mother.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You are a such a beautiful person, I love your blog and your frankness.....what an amazing story...and beautiful baby girls!

    ReplyDelete
  21. People are effing morons.

    And they are just jealous. Because yours are the cutest and the best!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Just love those photos, they are so adorable.

    I love your come back, made me laugh out loud...definitely the way to go!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Love that comment - wish I had said that when people hit me with 'oh another boy, never mind' after having second son... People really don't get it!

    ReplyDelete
  24. oh, they are just so precious! and if i ever have twins, i'm not going to think about coming up with a retort. i'm just going to use yours.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I was a twin baby from a long line of twins on both sides of the family, which apparently makes my chances of having them pretty high.

    I've always used it as a boyfriend barometer... the ones that go quiet/make the said twin cliches usually don't last.

    Current boy is still standing. (Despite drunkenly assuring him we'd DEFINITELY have twins on our first date. oops)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Lol yeah that second scenario ought to work like a charm ;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. You know, I got halfway down that post and thought it would've been so awesome to tell her just to fuck off. Glad that's the future policy :D. People are morons even if you just have one kid, I'm still being told "Awww he's so cute. Of course, they all are at that age. Just you wait." THANKS. It does get better though, they are generally more averse to handing out pearls of wisdom once they're older...


    Pictures are amazing, adorable and wonderful, especially the last...

    ReplyDelete
  28. BEST RESPONSE EVER! Love it, please use it! And I think your twins are absolutely adorable-- that picture is amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  29. People really should learn to keep their mouths shut when they can't think of anything meaningful to say.

    ReplyDelete
  30. they are so cute in that last picture! laying the same and everything. lucky you.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I laughed out loud at this post - people can be so stupid. The picture of you and the babies at the top is so lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  32. as one half of a set of double trouble all i can say is: being a twin is just fabulous.

    and our parents somehow managed to get across to us that we are and always were worth the trouble. so just tell them morons to eff off.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh the delights of unsoliticed advice... Your bubbas are so beautful though I'm surprised people don't look at them and just squee with delight. Anyhoo.

    A few others to try:

    Fuck you very much
    I'll double trouble you, you asshole

    ReplyDelete
  34. Double the SNUGGLES is more like it! You + the girls got me all choked up. And then they made me giggle. <3 <3 <3

    People really are morons.

    ReplyDelete
  35. People are endlessly bewildering to me.

    I would probably go with a wan smile, but I much prefer your new ballsy response. Go for it!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Those people are DICKS.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I think twins are the biggest blessing and you know how lucky you are. I also think "fuck off" would be so fun to actually say...

    ReplyDelete
  38. Have you seen this video?
    THIS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lih0Z2IbIUQ&NR=1 is why twins are the best!

    I don't have time for people who resent kids and consider them "trouble" either. Kids aren't bad, naughty or trouble, it's an adult's choice to see them that way. Usually an adult who didn't or isn't spending enough time with their own bored children.

    ReplyDelete
  39. God. That first picture is the best picture I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  40. On Thursdays I look after a little boy who is nine days younger than Talia. Obviously they have nothing like the bond of twins, although they are getting to be quite close now in their own little way. (They actually look quite alike with their hazel eyes and light brown hair too and people often mistake them for twins, but that's another story.)

    I've been looking after this little boy since they were fifteen months and they're nineteen months now so I've been slowly getting a little window into what it's going to be like for you about a year down the line and it's totally awesome! Yes sometimes they get into mischief but they're the cutest partners in crime ever. The best bits are 1) watching their relationship develop. I love this with kids of all ages but there is something particularly magical about these two because they see each other as peers, which brings this different level of rivalry, interaction and affection which is so much more fun and interesting (and in some ways easier to deal with) than where there's an age gap. 2) They are on a similar level/like doing a lot of the same things. (Don't underestimate how much easier this makes your life when you're not concerned all the time that you can't kind things to do that they *both* enjoy.) and 3) Literally every day you have twice as many, to use the childminder speak, "wow moments". It is really fun and exciting to see them grow and change together, copy each other, learn from each other.

    Every week when I have these two I want to send you another little message about how much fun is up ahead when Ella and Ammie are toddlers. But of course I'm kind of busy and don't often get around to it. ;) But good busy! You should see them, they stand on the step at the end of the dining table and play peekaboo together and they think it's hilarious (as do I)! And then they kiss and fall over.

    Sorry I am rambling and preaching to the converted.

    Oh, hang on, I totally forgot, two of the older kids I look after are actual real life twins! And they too are totally awesome. And their mum is very happy and easy-going. (They also very rarely talk about the fact they are twins and never refer to them as "the twins" which I think is excellent having grown up totally resenting my little sister and me being referred to as "the girls". But that's probably a whole different conversation.)

    Oh and finally, those photos? How could anyone say anything other than AWWWW?!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Good on you Peonies! That'll shut the morons up for sure :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. I think the only thing I could think to say upon seeing your little ones is "oh my god they are so flippin cute!"
    I worked at an orphanage for a while and used to look after many babies at once. It was brilliant. *s*

    ReplyDelete
  43. stupid people suck!

    twins rule!

    (cuuuute pictures, too)

    ReplyDelete
  44. Let me preface this with saying a dog is not the same as your beautiful children.

    When I walk my dog I also hear a lot of stupid comments, "He's taking you for the walk! *snicker*" (this is never the case but he's a big boy), "Ooh, scary dog. He's such a big one. Is he friendly?" Ugh. Mt response to the first is, "Fuck off you moron." The second, "He's friendly, but I'm not."

    Here is a positive to twins, they have their own language even before they can use words: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY

    ReplyDelete
  45. Twins are awesome! Here's a funny twin conversation video

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_JmA2ClUvUY#at=38


    xo
    http://lama-khayyat.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  46. well if those aren't the prettiest cashews i've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  47. oh! what a lovely post! I'm a twin, and I remember my Mum talking about the same thing. And the last sentence, well I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair!
    They are incredibly delightfully adorable, congratulations and DO tell those morons to think THEN speak!
    Pepper x

    ReplyDelete
  48. An excellent retort indeed. People say the dumbest stuff. But then I have to wonder if I've been one of those assholes that has said something stupid to someone, really not meaning to. This post is an EXCELLENT reminder that it's always best to think hard before speaking, because you might just seem like a total ass if you don't.

    (And your babies are super adorable.)

    ReplyDelete
  49. ha! classic response.

    i do find it weird how there are lots of people wanting to turn something wonderful into something really negative.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I know several parents of adult twins who wouldn't have had babies any other way. Double awesomeness is more like it.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Aren't people strange! Go with the second answer!

    I'm a twin and now that I'm two score years and ten it's fab!! My Mum & Dad always loved the fact that we were twins even though we were meant to be boys when in fact we were 4 & 5 of 6 girls!!! They also have 1 set of twin grandson's and 2 sets of twin great grandchildren, all of us have never been known as Double Trouble's just special.


    My twin & I still call each other Me & Us which was always our ways of answering when we were small. I'm also hoping that my children give me twin grandchildren but that's our secret so keep it to yourself!!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. I think the best response (and probably what they're hoping for) is for you to burst into tears and say "Oh God, you're right. Here, you'd better take one off me" and then thrust your least favourite twin into their arms.

    Or just show them the first picture and walk off smiling while they sob quietly that they will never know how amazing that must feel.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I've found the best thing to do in situations like this is to cock your head to the side and ask as innocently as possible, "Why would you say something like that?"

    It throws the ball back into their court, it makes them think about what they've said, and if they still don't get how rude they are and try to come back with something else, give them a, "I find that quite rude actually.", and walk away.

    Gorgeous pictures as always! x

    ReplyDelete
  54. amazing after such a sweet sentiment she could go on to be such an a hole.

    asshats.

    ReplyDelete
  55. These pictures!!!... Double the love and deliciousness, for sure, and more. Fuck these dumb people.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I'm all for it, I love your new version of how that convo should go, way to go you!!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Twins are lucky! Plus from what I understand, they keep each other entertained, how can that be a bad thing?
    Abby, goodness, what a good, simple, easy response. I will try to remember that for the next time someone makes a stupid comment.

    Right now, many people are asking me when I am going to have a child. My comment is "I'm still paying for graduate school, still looking for a decent job, don't have any savings, and my car is 15 years old. I can't afford a pet, so I've decide at this time it's not a good time for me to have a child." The plain truth tends to shut them up. They just don't think before they say it, it's like a conditioned (societal) response - "oh, she got married, so next comes kids!"

    ReplyDelete
  58. Her: Double Trouble!

    You: Wow! How did you know their names?! Bet you can't tell who is who!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Just say "I love them."

    That'll shut them up.

    ReplyDelete
  60. They're beautiful!
    Twins are the best! I'm a twin and I would love to have twins when I do have babies.
    love your response. You're hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  61. i love your blog. seriously its fantastic! ive been reading you for ages buthave always been to big of a weenie to actually comment. im having a set of twin girls in 3 months, and your blog has made me feel oh-so-much better soooo many times! thanks for all the postings, your girls are adorable. and its like a case of verbal diarrhea, as soon as you say "twins" that "double trouble" thing just slips out! im from a family of twins galore and all the mommies say they wouldnt trade it for anything. im scared to death and excited all at once. if your ever in the mood for a penpal please do email me jasminechavez42@yahoo.com id love to pick your brain a little if that doesnt come off as too horribly creepy. anywho, thanks again.

    ReplyDelete
  62. i love your blog. seriously its fantastic! ive been reading you for ages buthave always been to big of a weenie to actually comment. im having a set of twin girls in 3 months, and your blog has made me feel oh-so-much better soooo many times! thanks for all the postings, your girls are adorable. and its like a case of verbal diarrhea, as soon as you say "twins" that "double trouble" thing just slips out! im from a family of twins galore and all the mommies say they wouldnt trade it for anything. im scared to death and excited all at once. if your ever in the mood for a penpal please do email me jasminechavez42@yahoo.com id love to pick your brain a little if that doesnt come off as too horribly creepy. anywho, thanks again.

    ReplyDelete
  63. I thought some of these might be able to be adapted to your situation. :)


    http://tinyurl.com/6yvjwyo

    ReplyDelete
  64. but they are just so beautiful!!! Two of them! To snuggle together!

    And they will have their own language and everything.

    it's pretty awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  65. your babies are so adorable ! Take these pictures with you and go back to the post office ! :-)

    A lot of people have always something to say when you are a new mummy : "you'd better do this", "do that", "oh you are doing that way ?? really ? Hmmm". So I've learnt to let them say. Or to say fuck off. But always politely of course : fuck off please ! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  66. Your babies are so beautiful I can hardly stand it. Sorry you have to deal with non-thinkers. I love your solution. Press on! And then nibble on those chubby cheeks a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  67. I am envious of you - your gorgeous children, your grace, and your writing and beautiful photos. Ignore the petty, unclever, ignorant comments from stupid, thoughtless people...they don't even have the imagination to understand how they cannot be more wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  68. You're brilliant and that comeback is truly brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  69. you have read my mind - am 35 weeks pregnant with twins and hear this all the time (and worse), can imagine I will hear it even more once they arrive. Would love to have the balls to say this, but may well do once I am in a sleep deprived stupor . . .

    ReplyDelete
  70. As a mom of twins I totally relate! I'm considering using your new comeback next time...;)

    ReplyDelete
  71. C, I shouldn't have said that you make me want to have twins. Because, this morning at an ultrasound, I found out that I AM having twins! Identical twins, and one head-butted the other during the screening. But you make it look just as easy as having one baby, but with twice as much love and cuteness. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  72. @ diana banana, congratulations! You're in for the adventure of a lifetime! xx

    ReplyDelete
  73. People say that to me still (the boys are 4) oh and I get 'three boys...you poor thing' and they are serious! I think I shall take your approach from now on! Your babes are GORGEOUS and YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!

    ReplyDelete

play nice.