Opening a Birthday Present.

http://markmcevoy.tumblr.com/

Oooh! Look at the box! It's so big!

Shiny! Shiny shiny shiny! I'ma gonna make me some fooooooooood!

Cardboard! I love these funny pieces of cardboard! I wonder what's under them?

Oooooh!

Shiny!

Hmmm, that's a lot of pieces.

Ugh, I'm going to have to wash them all before I can use it.

Ok, let's do this thing.

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This one goes... where? There? Hmm. No, there. Okay, there. Right. Maybe.

I'm going to break this.

AMELIA, PUT THAT DOWN IT'S SHARP.

Yes, you can play with the whisk, if you're careful with it.

DROPPING IT ON THE FLOOR IS NOT BEING CAREFUL WITH IT. PUT IT BACK.

Ok, that one there and this one there and that one there and ok! Let's turn it on!

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JESUS CHRIST, that's loud.

But, it works. Good, great.

Let's make us some cashew chocolate spread!

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God, this takes aaaaaages.

These pieces are not getting smaller.

I should turn it up.

Is that melting plastic I can smell?

I should dry the other pieces and put them away while I'm waiting.

This is so fun! And shiny! And FUCKFUCKFUCKSHITTINGFUCKOUCH, that's SHARP.

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Did the girls hear that? Did I scare them? Please please please don't come through...

No, it's fine. That bloody machine is so loud they can't hear anyyhing.

Shit, that hurts.

Do we have any plasters? No? Fuck, I'm SURE I bought some. I did buy some, but where did I put them?

Oh god, I'm dripping blood everywhere.

How clean is this teatowel? It's not clean at all, is it? Shit, I bloody knew I should have done some laundry yesterday.

Fuck it, it hurts, I don't care if I get sepsis, it needs to stop dripping right now.

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Those pieces still aren't getting smaller. This is crap, it doesn't bloody work.

I'll add some water. And blood.

Ugh, the nuts aren't even moving. I'll just poke them with the end of this spoon.

Shit, that didn't sound good. I shouldn't have done that.

This noise is giving me a headache. I hate noise.

Has it stopped bleeeding yet? No. UGH.

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JESUS CHRIST WILL THIS FUCKING MACHINE JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?

That does not look like chocolate spread.

I don't even like chocolate spread.

Okay, I do like chocolate spread. I should have bought some. There's nothing wrong with sugar and palm oil anyway.

Ugh, I need to find a plaster and put the kids to bed. It'll do.

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Wait, how am I going to get that out of there?

Do we have a spatula?

We don't have a spatula.

It's never coming out.

Do we have an empty jar?

We don't have an empty jar.

It's not coming out and even if it does come out there's nowhere to put it.

FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT.

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The end.  

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